The Top 5 Things High School Theatre Taught Me About Kissing

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5. Do not, under any circumstances, part your lips. This could potentially be seen as an invitation for your scene partner to stealthily add tongue which he/she did not earn. I have always held fast to the old-fashioned ideal that you should keep that thing to yourself unless you’ve already bought me dinner.

4. You’re probably doing it wrong. Wrong, you ask? How can my expert lip-locks be wrong? Well, I don’t know, why don’t you ask the director who’s screaming that your hands are very awkwardly positioned and your facial expression looks like you’re about to kiss a tarantula?

3. Hold on for dear life. The first nine or ten times you think, “Dear God, this HAS to be long enough,” it’s not. And if you let go too soon, you can bet you’ll hear those dreaded words, do it again. Push through the pain and at least you’ll have several scenes of panicking about remembering your lines before you have to live that trauma again.

2. Nobody cares what you think. It’s probably awkward. You and your partner might have the sexual chemistry of peanut butter and pickles. He/she might have lips like the Sahara desert or, even worse, bad breath. But I guarantee that you won’t find sympathy with anybody but yourself, so quit whining.

1. A kiss is just a kiss. Your future is not determined by the one or two (or eight) people with whom you share carefully crafted intimate moments. And look on the bright side – the quality of your smooching can only go up from here.

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