Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to get through a day without that thought. Ugh, I’m so fat. Yeah, it’s irrational, it’s stupid, it’s superficial, I get it. I hate that it even crosses my mind.
And the thing is, no matter how many times I’m reassured (by myself or someone else) that I’m not, in fact, “fat,” it doesn’t get any easier. It’s still an overwhelmingly negative thought. It’s still a triggering thought. And I have to look at it in its big ugly face every day. We get in this ridiculous back-and-forth circular argument that never ends.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
And so on and so forth until I get tired of fighting and try to drown it out with loud Top 40 music, still feeling like a piece of garbage.
But you know what? Maybe there’s a better way to look at this. I’ve been thinking a lot about my mental processes lately, and I generally don’t respond well to confrontation, even with myself. So I thought, hey, maybe instead of constantly arguing with the pesky little voice in my head, I could try outwitting it. I’m a pretty smart person, I think, and I have a good head for logic. It’s worth a try, right?
Here’s the deal, you negative thought, you. We’re gonna play a nice game of “Would You Rather.” Actually, it’s more like a game of “I Would Rather.” And I’m going to tell you about some character flaws that I DON’T have, that I’m proud not to have, and that I would choose “fat” over every single time. Yes, that’s right. Every. Single. Time. So here’s the list, without further ado, for your intellectual consideration. Ten things I could be that would be WAY worse than being “fat.”
- Rude. There’s nothing worse than somebody who’s impolite, bad-mannered, and ungrateful.
- Unreliable. I would hate to be that person, you know, the one nobody can ever count on.
- Narrow-minded. Everybody’s biased, but I’d rather not be intolerant or bigoted.
- Selfish. Let’s face it, no one wants to be friends with someone who only cares about themselves.
- Arrogant. People’s self-superiority can be pretty darn suffocating.
- Oblivious. I much prefer having general knowledge of what’s going on around me.
- Lazy. It’s much more rewarding to achieve things when you really earn them.
- Apathetic. Caring hurts sometimes, yeah, but it’s better than feeling nothing at all.
- Cowardly. I may be afraid a lot of the time, but I’ll never be a coward.
- Boring. Let’s face it, I’ve got a story to tell. I’ve got a lot of things to say and I like to be ridiculous and I’m a pretty riveting conversationalist. The worst thing I could ever be is boring. And if being slightly off-kilter means I’m a more interesting person? I’ll take it. I’ll take it any day.