15 Ways to Put Off Writing a Religion Paper

1. Organize everything in your closet by color, being careful to adhere strictly to the ROY G. BIV template.

2. Facebook stalk your high school senior prom date for no less than one hour. Come across the list of Inspirational People he has “liked,” and laugh because the list contains both Akon and St. Augustine. Then feel really creepy and weird and hope there is no way he can find out how long you spent poking around his profile.

3. Watch celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves.

4. Think about actually studying for your math midterm. Pick up the textbook and flip through the first few pages before deciding you’re not actually that desperate. Yet.

5. Start planning next year’s Halloween costume.

6. Drink Think about drinking, but decide the kitchen is too far away.

7. Go to WebMD and try to diagnose yourself with at least three life-threatening illnesses. Bonus points if you end up with something actually impossible; for example, a virgin with a diagnosis of syphilis.

8. Jokingly feign stapling your roommate’s business school homework to the wall. Be surprised when it actually works and spend at least 10 minutes trying to pull the staple out of the wall without ripping the paper. Rip the paper. Cry.

9. Try really hard to put all the empty Diet Coke cans in the recycling using just your mind.

10. Practice performing several different songs so you’re prepared the next time you happen to end up at a karaoke bar. Decide to channel your inner Britney.*

11. Think about shaving your legs. Don’t actually shave your legs.

12. Rerecord your voicemail message. Get freaked out by the sound of your own voice because there is no way you actually talk like that…is there?

13. Spend a few minutes wishing you had a boyfriend so you could make him bring you ice cream. Go get ice cream out of the freezer and eat it alone.

14. Paint your fingernails. Then take off the polish because you’re really bad at painting your fingernails and you realize that it looks like a unicorn bled all over your hands. Wonder how you got through 21 years of being a girl without ever learning how to properly apply nail polish.

15. Write a blog post entitled “15 Ways to Put Off Writing a Religion Paper.”

*Yes, that is a real video of me channeling my own inner Britney. You’re welcome.

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24 comments

  1. Haha! Very entertaining to witness your demise…in a not being able to do your paper sense of course. I can’t paint my own nails either and I’m literally twice your age. Wow. That was more depressing to type than I anticipated. Now I’m going to drink and eat ice cream….

  2. Haha nice list! Couldn’t watch the video though(blocked here). Will check it out again from my home network.

    ditto with the paint nail thing. I wonder how people manage to do it.

  3. Ha! Good list. I’m the type that would open the required book and the program to write the paper in front of me…look out the window, promise myself I’ll just take 10 minutes to day dream for bit, you know to get the creative juices running..then be surprised that the day has gone by…

  4. 11. Think about shaving your legs. Don’t actually shave your legs.

    That’s basically me whenever I have to do something uni related. Nice post! I’m glad I’m not alone when it comes to extreme procrastination!

  5. I can’t tell you how many times I laughed out loud while reading this. What a brilliant idea (and honestly I’ve done almost ALL of these things on here… including shaving your legs but then not shaving your legs. Not a proud moment in any case).

    1. The plagues of procrastination. I mean, shaving my legs is also something I procrastinate. And doing laundry. Apparently I just never want to do anything actually worthwhile.

  6. I’m cracking up because I did some form of almost all of these things during law school to avoid studying/papers. If you’re a really advanced procrastinator, you can pick a TV show that you’ve never seen, and convince yourself that there is absolutely no way you can study until you have watched at least the entire first season. Not that I have ever done that. Nope. No way.

    1. Oh God, I’ve done that so many times…back to the whole Netflix-ruining-my-life thing…AHH. Want to know the worst part? The paper’s due in 6 hours, and I STILL haven’t started it.

  7. I think my two-year-old niece is actually better at painting nails than I am…
    This was hilarious! But you should probably get around to writing that paper. 😉

  8. The one about trying to move cans telepathically made me physically sad. It’s just so hopeless!

    Lovely list, I might refer back to this! Good luck on the paper. 🙂

  9. I’d add to your list a few other points:
    – Check, who’s available on Gtalk/Skype/FB/… and talk with a friend about how you hate writing that paper.
    – Check whether there are some new updates on a blog/ fanfiction page you’ve subscribed to.
    – Look at what you have to do for a while, then decide you feel a little tired and need a break.
    – Look to your the window – how beuatiful it is outside.
    …Procrastination is a scary thing 🙂

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