1. Organize everything in your closet by color, being careful to adhere strictly to the ROY G. BIV template.
2. Facebook stalk your high school senior prom date for no less than one hour. Come across the list of Inspirational People he has “liked,” and laugh because the list contains both Akon and St. Augustine. Then feel really creepy and weird and hope there is no way he can find out how long you spent poking around his profile.
4. Think about actually studying for your math midterm. Pick up the textbook and flip through the first few pages before deciding you’re not actually that desperate. Yet.
5. Start planning next year’s Halloween costume.
Drink Think about drinking, but decide the kitchen is too far away.
7. Go to WebMD and try to diagnose yourself with at least three life-threatening illnesses. Bonus points if you end up with something actually impossible; for example, a virgin with a diagnosis of syphilis.
8. Jokingly feign stapling your roommate’s business school homework to the wall. Be surprised when it actually works and spend at least 10 minutes trying to pull the staple out of the wall without ripping the paper. Rip the paper. Cry.
9. Try really hard to put all the empty Diet Coke cans in the recycling using just your mind.
10. Practice performing several different songs so you’re prepared the next time you happen to end up at a karaoke bar. Decide to channel your inner Britney.*
11. Think about shaving your legs. Don’t actually shave your legs.
12. Rerecord your voicemail message. Get freaked out by the sound of your own voice because there is no way you actually talk like that…is there?
13. Spend a few minutes wishing you had a boyfriend so you could make him bring you ice cream. Go get ice cream out of the freezer and eat it alone.
14. Paint your fingernails. Then take off the polish because you’re really bad at painting your fingernails and you realize that it looks like a unicorn bled all over your hands. Wonder how you got through 21 years of being a girl without ever learning how to properly apply nail polish.
15. Write a blog post entitled “15 Ways to Put Off Writing a Religion Paper.”
*Yes, that is a real video of me channeling my own inner Britney. You’re welcome.