Eating Disorders Are Real, And They’re Not Going Away

I hate that I have to write this post.

But I do.

Because yesterday I came across an article online entitled “5 Reasons To Date a Girl With An Eating Disorder.”

I am reluctant to share this article because I despise the publicity its author is probably getting. But it’s already out there, surfing the internet waves, so here’s the link if you’d like to read it too. (Disclaimer: may cause extreme disturbance and loss of faith in the human race.)

I cannot sit here in silence and let an article like this exist in cyberspace without doing something, anything, to combat its destructive and dehumanizing message. Not only is it insulting to the seriousness of the disorder that has taken more lives than any other mental illness, but it is also incredibly demeaning to women as an entire social group.

Now, I recognize that the website on which this was published is inherently misogynistic. Everything is written by men, for men. Although with articles like “24 Signs She’s a Slut,” I’d be more apt to change that to “by pigs, for pigs,” because most of the men I know wouldn’t find their favorite reading material on this site either. But I digress. I am writing not to condemn Return of Kings, but rather to counter the all-too-prevalent view that eating disorders are a privileged white girl problem. And apparently also to make it clear that eating disorders are not a joke.

There are records of eating disorders (specifically anorexia nervosa) throughout history as early as 1689. There are also manifestations across cultures, first-world and third-world alike. Eating disorders may be disproportionately popular in Western societies, but their existence is well-documented through space and time. Now, bulimia nervosa is slightly more culture-bound than anorexia simply because a binge-purge behavior cycle requires more resources. But food is relatively inexpensive even in our culture, and we cannot use the notion of culture-binding to assume that bulimia is an illness reserved only for the wealthy.

Eating disorders are also not confined to females. In fact, one of the first two documented cases of anorexia was male, and while the DSM’s gender ratio remains 10:1, there are many studies that reflect a ratio closer to 3:1. Perhaps men do not express the same disordered behaviors and symptoms as women, and thus slip by undiagnosed. Or perhaps we are just living in a society that places significantly less pressure on men to be thin. However, I have personally known several men who have struggled with and even lost their lives to eating disorders, and anyone who has watched them bravely fight their illness would be horrified to hear someone call it an exclusively female issue.

The reality is, our culture glamorizes eating disorders. From Seth MacFarlane’s Oscar joke (“For all those women who had the ‘flu.’ it paid off. Lookin’ good.”) to the increasing obsession with the ever-elusive “thigh gap,” there is a profound understanding of eating disorders as an issue of personal appearance. Like the “5 Reasons” article claims, “her obsession over her body will improve her overall looks.” Right? Isn’t that how it works?

Wrong. Chances are, she doesn’t look good, bro. Because she’s killing herself. Because she’s probably dealing with anxiety, depression, OCD, borderline, PTSD, or some other illness as well. Because her life has been forcibly taken from her by the disease that criticizes everything she says and does and is, not just how she looks. Even if she appears normal on the outside, she is in an immense amount of pain, and you are contributing to that pain by refusing to validate the parts of her that make her unique and special and beautiful.

And “better in bed”? I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.

When I was at my lowest weight, I got a lot of attention from both men and women. I’m not saying that to sound arrogant or self-righteous, although it may seem that way. I just want to clarify that the person who wrote this article is not saying anything new – Western media idealizes female thinness at the expense of female health, and will probably continue to do so for many, many years.

This attitude has to change. We cannot continue to apply such pressure on people to look a certain way and expect them not to crack under it. We cannot continue to write off serious mental illnesses as “privileged white girl problems” and ignore their impact on the lives of so many who fall outside that category. We cannot continue to place blame on the ones who are suffering the most. Eating disorders are real and scary and fatal, and they’re not going away.

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30 comments

  1. Ack. I should know by now that the internet is a disturbing place, but it still astonishes me when I realize that there are people out there who publish articles like that and who *honest to god believe it*.
    I completely agree with you — the attitude needs to change. Not just for eating disorders, but for all mental disorders. (Speaking as someone whose depression went unchecked because “you’re just a melodramatic teenager, you don’t know pain”.)

  2. A bigger problem is about guys uncomfortable with smart women, resulting in few women in science, engineering or powerful positions. This is almost a direct loss of 50% of national power. Just imagine how much faster science and technology would have progressed without this type of discrimination. The world could have been a much better place with a higher innovation rate. 50% is pretty serious, but no one writes seriously about it.

  3. Cannot put into words how immense my feelings are on this subject, but I’ll try. First, you said it all so perfectly (and gracefully, I might add. I would have come off shouty and ranty). I’m quite f#cked up because of this very cultural ideal. I’m sure it’ll be something I always struggle with. Body dismorphic disorder. I’m sure you’re familiar with the term. It screws with me big time, even though I’m supposedly in control of it now. I still have major triggers. I’m dealing with the aftermath of one now actually. I’m not brave enough to blog about it, but it’s something I’ll always deal with.

    Additionally, I dated a guy in my early twenties (when I was your age…gah) who I found out about 6 months into our relationship was bulimic! And he was a fit, hot dude. It made no sense, yet it did. So you’re right, it does happen with men too.

    This is why I love you and your blog. I appreciate your honesty on this subject that I have no outlet for. Thank you.

    1. BDD is AWFUL. I totally understand. It’s incredibly painful to be constantly told that you’re seeing your body inaccurately, because if you see it that way, it IS your reality.

      I’m glad I could say something meaningful to you! I’m really passionate about this issue and I try really hard to sound intelligent and logical and not angry/ranty. Although let’s be real, the first draft of this post had a LOT of expletives in it.

  4. That’s a horrible article!!! I sent it to Anna Breslaw from Cosmo and am hoping she’ll write her own article about it and send a lot of needed shame on you comments until they remove it and apologize.
    Thanks for bringing this to our attention!

  5. What a misguided fool to say eating disorders means she is going to look better? She will be under weight, have no energy (There goes the better in bed) and be sick a lot. Eating disorders are serious and life threatening and no one should make a joke about this. What if it was his mother? His wife/girlfriend? (Wait he is probably some humpback hideous freak who can’t get a date with a girl unless they hate themselves more than they hate him so scratch that) His sister maybe? Someone should beat that child with a stick. Awesome article and I can see your passion! Keep wrtting (major hugs) cause you need one. 🙂

  6. I can only speak for myself, not for other men, but I find just your summary of that article disgusting. I’m sick of people associating self-worth to appearance, as if that’s the only aspect of people that matter.

    1. High five to you!

      Woman is more than external. Marry a beautiful b!tch and when time steals her looks you have an ugly b!tch. Marry a gal who is beautiful inside and time can never steal that. She will always be beautiful.

  7. I am not clicking on that link from what I have learnt in this post. I commend you for standing up, it takes a brave heart to do such a thing! Let’s allow the pigs to keep their “bacon.” And let the real men of this world learn from this post. Have a great day. 🙂

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