On Graduating College, Or Why Time Needs to Move Slower

Screenshot 2014-03-17 19.20.05

I set a countdown last night for the day I finish my last final. Now I have this blinking clock at the top of my computer screen that says pretty much the scariest sentence I’ve ever seen.

“2 months and 25 days until you’re done with college.”

Seriously? How did I get here? It feels like just yesterday I was receiving my first college acceptance letter – but no, that was 2009. It’s been more than four years since then. And it’s been a long four years. Definitely challenging. Invigorating. Heartbreaking. Eye-opening. And in a little under three months, it’ll all be over.

I don’t feel like an adult. I still feel like the same shy, terrified little freshman who cried her eyes out every night because she was so homesick. Hell, I have even less of an idea of what I want to do with my life today than I did in 2010. In what universe am I ready to graduate? I don’t know how to fold a fitted sheet or use the broiler on my oven. I forget to empty the trash can in my bedroom for months and sometimes even to lock the door when I leave the house. I’m a kid pretending to be a grown-up, and I’m not even doing a very good job of it.

There are moments, though. Moments when I think, “wait a minute. This is my life.” My apartment is a disaster area 85% of the time because we don’t do the dishes enough or put away our shoes, but you know what? I have an apartment, and I pay my bills, and I couldn’t have done that when I was eighteen. I talk to people when I go somewhere new; I network and make connections and four years ago that would have paralyzed me. Even though some of it feels the same, I’m not the person I was when I rolled my suitcase to Willard 228 for the first time.

I honor the girl I used to be, because she is the one that allowed me to become who I am. But I’m glad I’m not eighteen anymore. Everything was life or death back then – picking a major, joining a sorority, staying in touch with everyone from my graduating class – and it was exhausting. I lived in a constant state of pressure and fear. I didn’t know how to let all the petty stuff go.

I’m not an adult, I know. I’m still clueless and scared and unprepared. But I’m smart enough to figure it out. These past four years have been the hardest I’ve ever faced, and look at how I’ve conquered them! Despite the fear, the misgivings, the doubt, I’m ready for what happens next.

2 months and 25 days. Let’s do this.

Advertisements

10 comments

  1. I graduated almost two years ago, and I still feel like this sometimes! I could relate to just about everything you said. There are times it feels scary to be “growing up,” but other times it’s really exciting. I wish you all the best in the future! Just keep having faith in yourself, and everything will work out the way it’s supposed to 🙂

  2. This is really relateable for me. You sound ready for the next chapter, that’s great! You can probably really relate to my blog, feel free to skim – I’m hoping it can help other post grads and twenty-something’s.

  3. I’ve got a good 15 years on you and I still don’t know what I’m doing. Just keep on keepin’ on and you’ll be fine. You ARE smart enough to figure it out.

  4. You’ll never feel as is you are fully prepared. One of the biggest things at the point in time initially after graduating is to not let things discourage you, i.e. job search, initial job you may get, etc. and to also balance between joining the workforce but still taking the time to just sit back and enjoy life (I have friends who fall on both sides of the spectrum and the middle is where you’d want to be). From reading your posts, you have a good head on your shoulders and you’ll do just fine.

  5. I’m two years into my bachelor’s degree and I’m absolutely terrified of what happens once I get that diploma… Moving across the country alone a few times was less horrific than the thought of graduating.

    You go, girl! 🙂 Life is crazy, but you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and you’re going to do just fine.

  6. You’ll do fine 🙂
    Now, I don’t know if this is going to scare you more or make you feel better, though my intention is the later…
    Other than maybe that the living area is somewhat less than 85% a disaster area and that sometimes the shoes are kept where they are supposed to…you’ve just described how much of “adult” life is for most 😉 Meaning…dun,dun,DUN…you’ve been doing absolutely GREAT!! 😀

    Sometimes I feel being “adult” is just a show. We are all still the same inside…you know? It’s what we project outside, our perceptions of what we think others think is “normal” and “adult”. The thing is, in truth…the core of us remains..and we do what we do..and we transform…it’s not something drastic…I don’t think it is for most of us though there are life changing moments which we will experience, sometimes more times than others, sometimes not…but we sorta grow into it…like how when you look back and are amazed of who you were at 18 and who you are now. It’s just a blooming of a flower 🙂

    And then, there are times like when my little sister tells me that I’m still “stuck” in the University part of my life aka the student life…that when I was done with school and I started “life after school”…I went into shock and still exhibit signs of not being fully recovered. But you know what? I’m still here, I’m still growing and I’m still realizing AND paying bills and going to work and interacting with people and doing all that adult stuff…so…it’s all good in the end!

    Ok..rambled enough..hehe.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s